Random Rantings

Universally women have earned a reputation for using many different means to get what they want. Be it a smile, wit, charm, aggression, or a bit of all, they’ve been known to possess the successful art of positive manipulation, where one feels that what they want you to do and what you want to do are one and the same thing. However, these are not the only reasons why it’s great belonging to the female race. Here are the top 20 reasons we found, listed in no particular order.

1. Smile and the world is at your feet: Sometimes it only takes one smile or laugh to make someone stop dead in their tracks and take notice of you. A smile accompanied by a tilt of the head, flip of the hair and batting eyelids will have people waiting on you hand and foot fulfilling your every whim and fancies. And if all fails… we could always talk ourselves out of a difficult situation and then add a smile to close the deal.

2. You can cry when you feel like it and almost always get your way: A few tears is all it takes to get peoples attention and for them to feel sorry for you.(not as if pity is what we always look for, though) in accordance to social norms if a guy cries he is considered weak but when it comes to us women its showing how you feel. Letting things go which is considered good for you.

3. You can have a girls’ night out and let loose completely: One of those exclusive nights out, only for us girls, and you can absolutely run riot. You guys would love to sneak in, we know, but it kind of spoils the fun, and takes away from the whole point of the exercise don’t you think?

4. You have cars made especially for you: It’s not just fashion houses that cater to women’s fancies; looks like everyone else, including car companies do. And the best part is that a man would look just a bit out of place in a custom-made car for women, but it doesn’t work the other way around. We women can drive anything and look the perfect part in it!

5. You don’t feel obliged to pay for your partner: (Or for yourself, for that matter!) It’s not that we’ve never heard of going Dutch, it’s just that when there is someone who is more than happy to oblige, why bother? Unfortunately for the male species, they would be termed cheapskates if they tried a similar ploy.

6. You have a wider range of clothes and accessories: Buying presents for women is a breeze, because there are so many options to choose from. Earrings, handbags, shoes, shades, anklets, rings, pants, tops, skirts, lingerie…you name it, it’s a gift for women. Let’s not even go into how mundane shopping for men can get.

7. You can shop till you drop and it wouldn’t seem odd: Never mind shopping for men, most of us just love shopping for ourselves and walking into a shopping complex is certainly one of the better ways to bide our time. Window-shopping is what’s most often on the cards, as our ‘shopaholic’ instincts don’t generally meet with the restrictions unfortunately posed by our wallet.

8. The dissemination of information is topmost on our priority list: All conversations consist essentially of analytic descriptions of persons, things or places. Most people (in particular men) fail to understand the depth of such conversations — and find it easier to simply label this essential part of the information system as ‘gossip’ (poor misguided souls)

9. We enjoy sport in more ways than one: Whilst men choose to run up their blood pressure screaming obscenities about the members of the home team (cricket in particular), as well as bark out commands as to what the players should be doing on the field (as if they could do a better job), we women, whilst enjoying the game, kick back and also enjoy the men get all hot and bothered over something they have no control over.

10. You don’t get a beer bellies (yuck!): Although we are mildly hindered by the eternal ‘pot’ syndrome, we have yet to be cursed by the ‘malted alcoholic liquid’ belly. Therefore, we only have to watch out for the extra calories on fatty foods etc. but, not the beer.

11. Can juggle around two or more roles together: We women are multi-talented, and it’s not just the every day run-of-the-mill kind of roles we’re talking about. We’re talking mother cum career woman, single mother cum breadwinner… and the likes so, it shows that

12. We bleed for 4-5 days and still don’t die: Science and every other logical explanation that is available have said that if a person is to bleed for a long period of time they would definitely die due to the result of excessive loss of blood. But we women are so special that we can bleed for days and still be alive and kicking. If we were to quote one male, “that’s the scariest thing about women.”

13. We can spend all the time in the world to get dressed: Women can take hours looking for what to get dressed up in and once that’s found they can spend hours getting dressed up… and this would be ok. Tell us can a guy do this. If they spend hours they would in an instance be considered a bit strange.

14. Long hair is considered quite normal: Women can grow their hair as long as they want and everyone would be admiring it. But in a guys case if you had really long hair they can’t stop people from dubbing them freaks of nature. We also have the added bonus of changing the way it looks if we don’t like it. We can curl it, straighten it, layer it, whereas, the most the average guy can do for a change is to go bald (hey! we can do that too!)

15. You look quite normal in male attire: Pants and a shirt and sometimes even a tie and tail coat would look fine on a girl whereas, if a guy were to feel like wearing a mini skirt and stilettos for a night out… need we say more? I feel that somehow he wouldn’t be greeted with the same type of response.

16. You can meet up just to chat: When girls meet up for a chat, they mean let’s meet up for a chat. Also, they’re conversations range from anything and everything under the sun. However, if men say let’s meet up for a chat, what they actually mean is, let’s down half a pint of beer or more and talk about women, cars, women, naked women, and if they’ve been particularly lucky sex…and about women again.

17. Can bear children: Not only can we bear children but, we can even do it without the direct help of a man. I mean, yes of course we need their assistance but, they don’t have to be physically present to do so. It’s also a scientific fact that women are emotionally stronger and can endure more pain, proven by them being able to cope with nine months of pregnancy and upto two days or more in labour (sometimes).

18. Have a keen sense of intuition: How is it that mothers always sense first when their children are in love or upset about something? How is it that girls can most often tell when a guy likes them? It’s not lucky guesses or a crystal ball, I assure you, they read the signs. The signs that men sadly don’t even know exist. Women have high levels of perception and observation, which aid them in this feat.

19. Can successfully maintain duel identities: We can play the part of the ‘burn your bras’ feminist or a very convincing ‘damsel in distress’, depending on what the need of the hour demands of you. We can run down the male species with one sweep, or feign total dependence on them so as to get the most out of the moment.

20. We can easily conceal any physical flaws (if at all): Using the appropriate methods to cover up or enhance our already existent good looks and features. Make up, creams, moisturizers… the list is endless but, very effective, nevertheless. They even give out some of their secrets to their male counterparts who graciously accept, after making sure none of their male friends are around.

(By two of my pals and I)